It’s a strange but beautiful thing to be in love. Everything you once did alone… cleaning the dishes, watching tv, sleeping, brushing your teeth, etc; things that were just a chore you did on autopilot suddenly become enjoyable. They become enjoyable because you now have someone to do them with. Life has more meaning, and there is not really any “boring” parts anymore, because as long as you are with the person you love doing those things; you’re happy.
The hardest thing is dating after you’ve been hurt by someone. You feel horrible for the new person your dating because they have not done anything to lose your trust, but you can’t seem to trust them. You don’t know if you should not worry or be cautious. You don’t want to scare them away but you also don’t ever want to get hurt like you did again. I know you have to find a median but it feels like I either have to just 100% trust the person or also be on alert and full of fear. I don’t know how to be an in between, I don’t know how to trust but still be aware. Why must it be so tough? Why must people hurt you?
“The good you find in others, is in you too. The faults you find in others, are your faults as well. After all, to recognize something you must know it. The beauty you see around you, is your beauty. See the best in others, and you will be your best. Give to others, and you give to yourself. Appreciate beauty, and you will be beautiful. Admire creativity, and you will be creative. Love, and you will be loved. Seek to understand, and you will be understood. Listen, and your voice will be heard. ”—Unknown
I want a man…. a thick, built, strong man! I don’t care what anyone thinks; i’m not in to little boys, I never have been. I like guys like James Bond…. built, strong, and can kick ass. Unfortunately I have never met anyone in real life that is remotely similar to my celebrity crushes. But I can tell you one thing…. I’m never going to settle. I will keep going until I find my James Bond, Oliver Queen, or Superman! ;p
Last night I found out that all of my college will be free! My first two years are free by the BOG fee waiver because I am a dependent of a veteran. And my next two years will be covered by mom giving me two years of her GI bill. I can’t tell you how ecstatic, and grateful I am!! The only lesson to take from this is the military is worth joining and offers so many benefits! If you want yourself and your children to go to college for free, please don’t cross joining the military off your list!!
It’s interesting to me how some people can just blend in and you don’t really notice them. But then one day you get to know them, and you realize that you have actually met them but now theres so much more in their eyes than their used to be.
Went and saw About Time at the theatre tonight, because all movies on Tuesday are $5 at my theatre. I’ve been wanting to see this movie for months! It surprisingly wasn’t a romance movie, it was more about the father and son relationship. It was very inspirational though and had such a moving message. It was about how you have to enjoy each and every day like its your first and your last. You have to try to notice every detail but not let yourself analyze everything. It is about always being aware but also always enjoying yourself and living in the moment. Something I really need to work on……….
Tonight I was in the passenger seat of a car, it was dark and if I didn’t focus the street lights blurred. Don’t you ever do that? You daze off for so long that the lights become everything. The perfect song off of the Twilight soundtrack was playing as well (My mom bought it.) I felt invincible in that moment, and at peace…. it was like no one else existed, not even myself. I wasn’t stuck in my thoughts, I was just in a daze, the music and lights were this soft beautiful blur that allowed my body, mind, and soul to relax. I wanted to pause that moment and be their forever.
People think because you have no problem talking to anyone you’re outgoing, and because you always say exactly what you think you’re honest and straight up. They think they know you because you speak so much. But really your talking is your beard because you talk about a whole lot of nothing to make sure you don’t have to talk about something. Sure people know what movies you like, but they don’t know how and where you grew up. Yes you have no problem talking to people but really you’re just faking until you make it. You refuse to be pitied, seen as less, or even seen as more. You keep mutual, by always wearing a mask and the second someone slithers their way past your walls and allows you to slip just an inch, you build your walls right back up but this time you cut the person out and build your walls even higher. Because you couldn’t risk someone actually getting to know you, could you?
I feel like sometime in the past year… I just gave up. I used to do my makeup every day and try to dress cute. I would go to any events I heard about, and constantly hang out with people. But now I never wear makeup, I wear lazy clothes all the time. Yes it is a good thing to not care what people think of you but I have gone beyond that; I just don’t care, period. I don’t care about anything, and that is not good for ones sanity. I have nothing to look forward to anymore, because I don’t try or push myself anymore. I don’t try to hang out with people, and I never try to look good. How does one find themselves again? And was the person I was before even me. Maybe or maybe not. Regardless, I need to work on myself because I don’t really like the person I have become lately but mostly I don’t like how I feel on the inside.
So my aunt was supposed to buy me a plane ticket to her house in Pennsylvania as a graduation present last summer. That didn’t happen, so then she was supposed to buy me a ticket for this winter break. But now she said she is buying a ticket for my grandmother to come for 3 months starting January and the ticket prices have gone up so she can’t buy me a ticket. I’m so angry right now, it’s rediculous. Partly because if she had bought my ticket when I asked her to; the prices were in the 200’s but now they’re in the 500’s. Secondly my grandmother is literally the devil… I’m not even exaggerating, the things she has done to my mother and I go beyond a lifetime movie! So not only am I hurt I can’t visit, I feel betrayed that the devil does get to visit. Ugh.